Thinking of all the guys I know who I’ve seen with sexy treasure trails….

I’ve been secretly attracted to many guys.

:)

Sweet dreams?

Only if I dream of you.

Flattery Gets You Pretty Much Everywhere With Me.

How Foolish Girl Of Me.

I wished for it, as I tossed the penny into the little fake pond. The coins; pennies, nickles, dimes, quaters, all ready to embrace my offering. Maybe if I had tossed a dollar coin, my dream woud have been realized. Wishes always fall into two categories, important and silly. Mine usually silly, the foolish girl in me always coming out. I wished for it with silly hope. I wished for it with all my might, all my strength. I poured all my soul into it as I rubbed the penny’s copper face with my thumb. With a flip, it fell into the cold water, a little splash, and it sank to the bottom. I wished for something silly.

Now, I wish I had thrown in a second, and wished that my first wish, hadn’t been a silly one.

Days Like This.

I layed the whole day in bed… I tried to escape.

There is no escape. I’m stuck right here. In this depression. I should have seen this coming. It always happens. The down. I was up for so long, up so high. And I fell so fast. First I couldn’t sleep. Than it was all I did. Now I fall asleep and wake up half dazed. I spend the rest of the night in the bathroom corner, tear streaked cheeks. I sob. Everything is a stab at my heart. All the pain from everything is suddenly there. I can’t shake it.

I try to focus on things. My studies. Work. Friends. But slowly none of it matters. None of these things are important. I feel alone, because I’ve made myself so. I try to reach out to people, but they seem impossible to reach. And I just feel like what’s the point? They will never understand. No one ever does.

I myself don’t understand. How can I be so sad? How can anyone feel like this? Why? I actually beg as I sob. “Why? Why me? What did I do?” Whatever, or whomever, never replies. And I’m even more sad.

Honestly, I just don’t know anymore…

I am empty and alone and generally hopeless.

I Am Ashamed.